Assault Android Cactus is a Robot Blasting Party!


Are you sick of interactive movie video games? Do you want games that require more than putting on lipstick to advance the plot? Have you ever wanted to blow up the universe’s toughest foes…as an android? If you said yes to the above questions, join the android army in Assault Android Cactus!

Assault Android Cactus, Junior Constable Cactus lands on a cargo ship with corrupt worker robots bent on destroying their own ship (and anyone else on it). She and the other androids marooned on the ship must fight their way out or die trying!


Assault Android Cactus pays homage to arcade shooters such as Mega Man while being out of this world. Developed and scored by a three-man team at Australia’s Witchbeam Games, the game’s presentation is akin to games created by the average 50 man development team. Not bad for a few guys who worked for heavyweights such as Electronic Arts and Sega! While the game’s insanely fun levels and eccentricity hold promise, some frustrating loose ends may have gamers returning to the simpler games of the QTE era.

Here are those spiky Mechanical Cactus Spines and the glorious Genki Stars you’ll encounter as your android cop and her gang saves the universe.

Watch out! It’s the attack of the…Mechanical Cactus Spines!

Mechanical Cactus Spine #1: A  Dilemma of Dual Stick Proportions


Let’s be honest. Dual twin sticks on a regular PC are tricky when the dual sticks are the mouse and keyboard. If you’re playing Assault Android Cactus on a laptop with Windows, invest in a gamepad immediately! The mouse feels so awkward when paired with the oft-used WASD keys that you’ll feel like Neil Armstrong while shooting enemies behind you. If you don’t have a mouse wheel you’re out of luck! Mouse wheels allow for more effective shooting. Unless you can persevere, add the gamepad or buy the console versions.

Mechanical Cactus Spine #2: The Enemies Keep Coming…and Hard!


You’ll feel like you’re in the movie 300…except the 300 men are “homicidal robots” intent on disassembling cute androids. The robots relentlessly pursue like a hungry lioness dead set on catching that impala. There’s no relief as you maneuver past to get the goodies. Enemies attack in waves of 6-11+. You’ll even have menacing mini bosses thrown in! You have ample chances to charge up defenses, so plan accordingly and immediately. There’s no slacking here! Be alert soldier!

Cactus Spine #3: Battery Powered Superteam


Battery charge is your android’s HP! Battery recharges are released by enemies so snatch ’em up fast or your android’s battery will deplete! Battery HP is a fresh take on the old enemy health absorbs, but the number of recharges depend on your attack. Secondary attacks release more recharges while primary attacks release fewer recharges. Recharges even float away sending you scrambling after them! If you don’t get that recharge quickly, you’ll have to replay that insane boss fight all over again! That’ll get old fast.

At the end of the laser wreckage lies…the Almighty Genki Stars!

Genki Star #1: Big Guns and even Bigger Powers!


Each android gal comes with a gun bigger than her body and her own surprising powers. Coral’s not your usual tough girl with a shotgun! Coral’s Plasma Field releases energy fields that shock multiple enemies in the immediate vicinity simultaneously. Holly seems like a shy pushover with her streamlined Seeker attack, but don’t mess with her! Holly’s Cannonball obliterates the hordes to one or two flimsy invaders.

If you’re a good little android you’ll even get extra Fire Power! Once you inflict enough damage, two hovering robots assist in the carnage. If you want an even longer boost, snatch up the Extend Fire Power power up! Other power-ups such as Shutdown temporarily freezes enemies while Accelerate temporarily speeds up your android, giving her “pretty wings”!

Genki Star #2: Be Your Own Android Army


Cactus and the gang can combine forces to become a true android army… in local co-op mode! In local co-op mode, you and three friends are unstoppable as you decimate the rogue mechs together. There’s no online multiplayer, but local co-op offers endless hours of fun explosions and havoc all on its own. You can add 1-4 players (robots and otherwise) in all modes to increase your ranks.

Genki Star #3: Blast ‘Em to Infinity and Beyond…and Score!


The universe is your playground in three modes: Campaign, Infinity Drive, Daily Drive! In the story-driven Campaign Mode, the girls must battle the wayward Section Lords. Each level unlocks five new characters such as the strange Starch and the molten punk Peanut. In Infinity Drive, Cactus will confront endless armies of robots until death parts them. In Daily Drive, you compete against other players on the leaderboards to see who scores highest. You’ll only be allowed one challenge a day so make it count!

Did I say “scores”? Yes! Like a true arcade game, you will be scored. Scores are determined by how many chains you pull off, how many enemies you defeat and how quickly you defeat them. High scores send you to the top of the leaderboards and they also earn you in-game credits. Want those coveted mega weapons, hero? Keep those scores high!

Genki Star #4: Full-Scale Production


Assault Android Cactus has the look and feel of a professional mainstream game from its infectious techno beats to its slightly Pixar-esque graphics and top notch voice acting. For $14.99, Witchbeam could’ve just slapped the game together. The fact that they put so much effort into Cactus shows that they have strong ambitions to get to the top of the pack.
Cactus has landed!


The  awards don’t lie! Assault Android Cactus has assaulted our computer screens with a vengeance! Get it today on Steam for PC, Mac, and Linux. You’ll be glued to your seat!

Wait, it’s not over!

Assault Android Cactus plans a second assault on the PS4, Wii U, and PS Vita in early 2016!

Previous articleAnother Castle: Maxine Caulfield
Next articleUndertale: A Whimsical Horror (If You So Choose)
Who is Nia Rosa? I am the queen of casual gal gaming on the east coast. My casual gaming life began with bopping mushrooms and hunting ducks. Soon I was getting crushed by fat chocobos, tomb raiding, watching plumbobs turn bright red and visiting virtual red light districts to solve fun puzzles. These days if I'm not studying I'm street fighting gangs of Japanese dudes with afros, finding and saving April Ryan and laughing at my sim's pixelated pain.