How to Restore Your Confidence When Reentering the Dating Scene

If you’re just now reentering the dating scene for the first time in a long while, you’re probably having some self-doubts about how to carry yourself. And if you want to be successful and enjoy yourself, it’s imperative that you restore any lost confidence before going further.

4 Ways to Restore Your Confidence 

Confidence can be a fickle thing – particularly when sex, romance, and attraction are involved. But with a proactive plan, you can finally restore any confidence that you’ve lost over the years and find new success in the dating world. Here are a few helpful suggestions: 

1. Make a List of Your Top Traits 

It’s easy to get caught up in thinking about your shortcomings. But if you want to restore your confidence, it’s important that you see yourself for who you really are – somebody who is talented and worthy of being loved.

One simple exercise is to set a timer for 10 minutes and make a list of all of your top traits, skills, accomplishments, and strengths. (You’ll be surprised by how many there are.) Then take this list and put it in a place where you’ll see it every day. Every time you glance at it, you’ll be reminded that you’re someone of value. 

2. Invest in Your Appearance 

You’re more than your looks – which is part of the reason we encouraged you to start with the previous exercise. However, you’ll certainly feel more confident in the dating scene when you feel like you’re looking your best.

Now’s a great time to invest in your appearance. If you’re dealing with balding/thinning hair, consider trying something like laser therapy to regrow hair. If your skin has developed wrinkles and no longer looks like it did 10 years ago, try a new skincare or beauty routine.

There are ample opportunities to invest in your appearance. You don’t have to do something drastic. A simple tweak can lead to significant and positive changes, which will ultimately restore and bolster confidence. 

3. Deal with Emotional Baggage 

We all have some amount of emotional baggage. Whether you have a massive network of friends and family who love and support you, or you’ve been manipulated and emotionally eviscerated more times than you can count, there’s some level of baggage present in your life. And it’s what you do with this baggage that will influence the health and stability of future relationships.

In a situation where you’re still focusing on a toxic relationship from your past? You need to confront it. 

“To stop doing this, write a letter to the person who hurt you,” relationship coach Tiffany Toombs suggests. “Dump all your emotions into that letter and tell them how they made you feel. End it by saying that when you think of them moving forward, you want to feel nothing at all. Then, using fire safety, burn the letter and let go.”

This might sound like silly or frivolous advice, but it works. It allows you to express yourself in a safe environment without the risk of a negative response. And then, once you’re done, you move on. The past is behind you and a fresh start lies ahead. 

4. Rebuild Your Social Life 

It’s unrealistic to expect yourself to suddenly shift into a fast-paced dating world when you haven’t been active on the scene in some time. It’s much easier (and more realistic) to begin by rebuilding the big picture – e.g. your social life.

“Have parties, invite people to do things outside of your own home, and keep your social life varied,” relationship expert April Masini advises her clients. “It’s a burden to rely on dates only when you’re trying to get back in the swing of things. What’s easier is to have a series of dinner parties, brunches, hikes with coffee.”

An interesting thing happens when you start to rebuild your social life. You’ll look up in six weeks or six months and find yourself standing beside people you could eventually see yourself dating. It’s a safe, unintimidating way to put yourself out there and see what happens. 

Ready, Set, Date 

Dating requires you to take chances. There will be times when you’ll feel ill-equipped to stand up to the challenges of the dating world. There will be other times when you’ll wonder if you’re better off without a partner. But if you commit to the process and make a serious attempt at restoring your self-confidence, you’ll discover that dating today can be just as rewarding as it was in your past life. Good luck!